Posts (page 2)

Well folks here is another dose of food information you didn't want or need, but you have to admit it is always interesting to find out how complex the simple things are.

Ketchup
The word “ketchup” comes from the Chinese “ke-tsiap,” and if you’re wondering why ketchup isn’t used in Chinese food, well, there’s your story. Ke-tsiap wasn’t at all like ketchup. It was a sauce made from pickled fish that frankly wouldn’t taste so great on a burger – or in our opinion on much else. Nonetheless, it was popular enough to catch on in Malaysia, where it was called “kechap,” and Indonesia (“ketjap”), and to be honest it probably wasn’t as bad as it sounds; it’s been compared to soy sauce. When English and Dutch sailors made their way to the Far East in the 17th century, they “discovered” the sauce and brought some back with them. Homemade versions immediately became popular; Elizabeth Smith’s The Compleat Housewife (copyright 1727) called for anchovies, shallots, vinegar, white wine, cloves, ginger, mace, nutmeg, pepper, and lemon peel.

Note the lack of tomatoes in that recipe. In the grand East-meets-West tradition of fusion cuisine, someone thought to add tomatoes to ke-tsiap in the early 1700s. The British counterpart of that person, by the way, went another direction and added mushrooms instead; you can still find mushroom ketchup at a few specialty retailers, and The New Joy of Cooking contains a recipe for the homemade stuff. Anyway, in both nations, the spelling also mutated around the same time; the first reference to “ketchup” appeared in 1711. This, too, caught on, and within 100 years or so ke-tsiap had acquired yet another regional name: tomato soy. Teresa Heinz Kerry’s great-great-great in-laws started selling a thin, salty version of the stuff in as “tomato ketchup” in 1876, and it was such a hit that eventually they just dropped the “tomato.”

Mustard
Mustard, in my opinion, has one of the best linguistic back stories in the English tongue: its name is a contraction of the Latin mustum ardens, meaning “burning wine” – presumably because the seeds are spicy and used to be as valuable as the vintage stuff. (The French used to mix mustard seeds with grape juice, which may also have something to do with the name.) Mustard’s tastier qualities, however, weren’t always appreciated the way they are today. It started out as the ancient equivalent of Neosporin: Pythagoras prescribed it for scorpion stings. His successor, Hippocrates, tried to cure toothaches with it (at least he didn’t use something sugary). Later, the stuff had fans among religious types, too: Pope John XXII was reportedly so enamored of mustard that he established a new Vatican position, grand moutardier du pape, which means “mustard-maker to the pope.” Conveniently, he happened to know the perfect candidate; his nephew was a moutardier.

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When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity.

To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300° C.

The Russians used a pencil.

Enjoy paying your taxes.

You would think after such a lengthy "black out" here from the fair and just King Ellipsis that there would be a lot to say... you would think so wouldn't you? It would stand to reason.

 

Despite all of the things I have going on :

The juvenile crush I have on a bartender at a horrible restaurant, yet continue to go back.

The dramatic "swooping in" I am doing as the Sous Chef at a trendy downtown restaurant.

The stupid drivers I encounter riding my bicycle around the most beautiful city in the country.

Good times out shopping for my friends birthday... and feeling really proud of what I got.

My ex calling me for my veggie lasagna recipe (longest conversation we have had since the ending)

The frustration of looking for a place to live.

How passionate I am about my new job, and how I feel like I did when I was 23 except now my back hurts.

Fish being plucked in the night by Raccoons and the emotional turmoil involved.

Sitting in a bathtub right now, because it's the only place I can get an internet signal without sitting in a coffee shop.

 

So on and so on...

I'm exhausted... worn out... taking a much needed break...

What have you been up to?

Friendly reader "Inspirational Place", a reader who always has something kind to say... suggested a topic out of character for what I imagined her character to be since I don't know this person at all. I suppose that laying down the gauntlet and proclaiming that there was "no taboo" in what I will write about I was bound to be suggested another topic involving in one way shape or form genitalia.
Her suggestion was based on the idea that porn turns men off from the real thing. While I disagree personally, I still went ahead and did some reading on the subject... thinking maybe some sort of research would prove me wrong and I could immediately change my opinion to be in line with the research.
It didn't change my mind.

I read an article by Naomi Wolf  entitled The Porn Myth. The basic idea behind the article was that porn did not turn men into sex hungry animals, it had the exact opposite outcome and created lofty ideals about sex and women that 99.99% of the time were not accurate and would promptly disappoint the men and send them running back to their DVD players and internet.

I don't get it.

While pornography in all of its forms is a huge and increasingly main stream business... I don't lend it that type of power and influence.
Today porn is drawing more women than ever before, at least on a public level that is. I don't see Naomi Wolf mentioning that. I have had many conversations with women where they either admit or proclaim their fascination with porn. It's nothing more than a canteen to get them trough the dry times, I think most men, or at least the men I know think of it the same way. Porn is okay, but it is absolutely no substitute for the real thing... and if anything it is giving people ideas on how to have a little more fun during sex not chasing them away from it.

I myself look at porn from time to time. I don't feel any sort of shame associated with it, and it certainly does not tame my libido. Think of it this way... You are tied to a chair facing a television. You have not been fed in three days. The images on the screen are of glorious steaks in all forms, a constant barrage of tasty meat is on the screen for three days while you are starving. Once released... are you going to the salad bar?
Not me.

Naomi Wolf wrote what seems like a researched article on the subject, and wrote it well... but I believe her to be fundamentally wrong.

*on a personal note...
Thank you to everyone who made suggestions. I now have an actual list to work off of the next time I find myself in a pinch, and fret not... every individual gets their credit. I will not pretend that your idea is mine... so keep those suggestions coming. I like a challenge... and by the way watching porn is not a challenge. Try getting a woman to sleep with you when you don't have a job... that is a challenge.   

So... I am feeling an onset of laziness as it applies to this "blog" again...

what would you like to see written about?
No subject is taboo... for example... the post How did we get here from there? was user generated... by one of my favorite readers I might add.

or this one... which shows my ability to take any one idea and run it straight into the ground -> Poor Helena

Nothing is impossible or too far fetched or too weird or too silly.
Shoot me a message or leave a comment... I would like to see what your brain makes for me to create.

Is everyone knowing everything going to breed some kind of utopia?

I doubt it.

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THE INTERNET>

1. Have you ever noticed that sun-dried tomatoes and peyote look remarkably similar? Not really suggesting anything here, I am just saying.
2. To get that much sought after promotion at work... subscribe to a bounty of porn magazines with your rivals name and your workplace address.
3. Need to get through the checkout line faster ? Remove things from the cart in front of you and gently point out that they seem to have everything they need for cake... and yet no eggs.
4. Kids keeping you up at night with their "nightmares", just tell them that if they don't close their eyes and be quiet Jesus will die.
5. Tired of being invited to your friends "art openings" at cafe's ? Send out an e-vite for folks to come view what you left in the toilet this morning.
6.  Annoying vegetarian friends? Invite them over for dinner and try veggie rumaki: wrap a strip of imitation bacon around a water chestnut, spear with a toothpick, and broil—but instead of imitation bacon use real bacon, and instead of a water chestnut use veal.
7. Ex won't stop calling you? Go ahead and email those nude pictures to their mother.
8. At your friends house and their kids are driving you crazy? Give them caffeine pills and leave. That will teach them to use birth control.
9. Have a friend who drinks too much? Tie them to a chair and drink an entire bottle of whiskey in front of them. Then maybe have sex with their spouse, that's up to you.
10. Is mom giving you grief on the holidays because you are "still single"? Next Thanksgiving, bring a prostitute.

 

Now I am not one to disparage a tasty treat... frozen novelty or otherwise... but my recent exposure to Popsicle brand popsicles has been a sever plight on my daily existence. Some of you may be familiar with this particular brand of popsicle for the unique fact that there are jokes hidden under the treat itself on the pospsicle stick. These jokes have been wandering around the house for a few days since a buy one get one free deal at Safeway got us 48 orange, grape and cherry flavored pops to help alleviate our hangovers after the 4th of July. They helped rehydrate us but the jokes hurt our hearts and minds in such a defening wave of badness that I can't help but stand up and cry "shame on you Popsicle brand popsicles!!!".
Last night I spent a little time on their website trying desperatly to understand how they can show me one reason not to go after them and their jokes... I found nothing but a little history and also managed to earn my Popsicle P.H.D., dissapointingly refered to as a "pop quiz"...
ok and now the jokes... so you can see where I am coming from.

Q: What do you call a really funny snake?
A: Hiss-terical

Q: What kind of phone does a turtle have?
A: A Shell-ular phone.

Q: What does a car wear when it's cold?
A: A Car-digan

Okay I am going to stop there for a minute and point out that the intelectual level of a person that would find these jokes "Hiss-terical" wouldn't be able to read... might not even be able to hold a popsicle well enough to eat it. I was further dissapointed by their website when I saw that there was nowhere to submit jokes, the royalties from getting printed on even a small percentage of the 1.4 billion popsicles produced by them per year could easily pave an easy life for myself.
I would like to offer up to the good people at Popsicle a few submissions of my own anyway.

Q: What does a cloud wear under it's clothes?
A: Thunderwear

Q:What happens when two slugs fight?
A: They slug it out.

Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: You climb in a tree and act like a nut.

Already I am better than them... and I'm not even trying.

Before I leave you today, I am going to share the worst joke that we came across printed on a popsicle stick... the pure irony and contradictory nature of this joke caused me to roll on the floor in pain... my soul hurt after hearing this joke not only the first time but every remaining time after that ( we ran into some repeats in the 48 pops).

are you ready?
sit down... take a deep breath... and take a sedative because this is going to twist you up...

Q: What time is it when you are out of ice cream?

*now if I was a corporation with so little shame that I printed horrible jokes along side of my product, dragging down the quality of the product itself (similar to bad service with great food) I would go ahead and make a shameless plug here and dictate in the answer A: Time to buy some Popsicle brand popsicles ( who needs ice cream when you have a popsicle?) Think about it, advertise on your own product... makes perfect sense. Cheap and effective. However that is not the direction they chose... hope you are ready.

A:Time to get more ice cream.

Do you see the problem here?
Am I the only one in the universe that finds this dissapointing?

Please rejuvinate me with good jokes and by helping me begin a grass roots letter writing campaign to Popsicle telling them to shape up or ship out... please. I didn't sleep at all last night.

Time to get more ice cream!?!?

 

 

(I sometimes wonder if there is a theme on Sunday, that even I don't see.)

(is there?)