4 posts tagged “angry”
This week, assuming it started on the weekend, has been a very varied roller coaster. There has been a decent mix of good and bad going on and up until today the good outweighed the bad.
Friday :
I finished my first full week at my new job somewhere between two and three. I could probably have stayed later but I had just received my first check. It wasn't much, but it was some cash in my pocket. I was happy and feeling very accomplished. I was excited to get home, get some beers and spend some "buddy time" with Jamie. She drives me to the bank to cash my check and we promptly pick up some good beers, a good bottle of wine and just to make sure we ingested enough alcohol a twelve pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon cans.
Upon arriving home we kick back and start drinking, Jamie suggests we go out for some wings and who the hell am I to disagree. They were delicious wings with just the right amount of spice and it was just the right amount of food that it wouldn't interfere with our drinking.
I built us a fire in the back yard, we drank and talked and just generally gave ourselves a good time with nothing but our friendship and a few drinks floating us along. I passed out on the couch watching Cruel Intentions much later that night and I was feeling okay but not great when Saturday morning rolled around.
Saturday :
Jamie had a vicious hang over and was seriously dragging ass all morning. She threw up a little while I made a run for some coffee for me and muffins for us. The day was purposely lazy, we both sat around watched some television and didn't accomplish any of the hearty goals we had given ourselves the day before. I took a trip to the mall to go eyeball a knife set I plan to buy and price out some chef pants for work. A lazy day without much to speak of other than a feeling of contentment with my life.
I had recently received an email from my ex girlfriend saying that she had been following this website and that I seemed very happy. I am and I have been, Tucson up until this day had been very good to me. I also was featured on two websites. One my roommate Ethan mentioned me and provided a link to me on his site, and the other was a piece dedicated to me by an old friend. I encourage you to check them both out if you are as interested in me as I am.
With Jamie still not feeling well I had resigned that with all of this good feeling I was going to go out alone that night. I was going to have a couple of beers and people watch. I had full intention to do something I used to enjoy very much in my days in Baltimore. Without getting into too much detail I got drunk, drama ensued and I found my self generally annoyed with the world. I was so angry at the world in fact that I walked home with my anger on my back and found a random building along the way to take a piss on. This sort of passive aggressive lashing out is very satisfying to me, especially when I have a bladder full of cheap beer.
Once again I passed out, this time in my bed and unfortunately alone, a little company would have made my night a lot more bearable, but like I said I passed out... so obviously I didn't lose any sleep over it.
Sunday:
Another lazy day, not much of note happened at all. Jamie and I ate left overs, I caught up on Lost online. We called our mothers and made small talk for mothers day. Ethan came home from his conference in Prescott and Jamie got on a plane to Portland for an interview. At this point I would ask you to cross your fingers for Jamie to get the job, she is tremendously qualified, lets just hope this perspective employer realizes it. Anyway, I headed to bed as I had an early day at work, it was the first day we were opening for lunch service and I wanted to be well rested and alert.
Monday :
With Jamie out of town she was kind enough to loan me her car as transport in replacement of my trusty bicycle and I arrived at work fifteen minutes early bright eyed and bushy tailed. After enjoying a cup of the free coffee owed to me just for showing up I immediately got to work with my trusty parter in crime at Italia Moni. In short we kicked ass, it wasn't horribly busy but her and I have a great vibe on the line and nothing slows us down. Once our day ended I offered Moni a ride home as I had the tools ( Jamie's car ) to provide a service of kindness for a coworker. I decide after dropping her off that in return for Jamie's kindness of loaning her car to me that I would stop and put in some gas so she wouldn't have to stop at six in the morning on her way to work after doing a 30 hour round trip to Portland.
I find a gas station ( I'm still getting to know Tucson ) and after correcting my mistake of placing the gas tank on the opposite side from the pump I retrieve my wallet from my back pack to go and request ten bucks on pump three. To my dismay and the cause of my hatred for humanity at this exact moment my wallet was completely empty of cash. That morning when I stopped at Ike's for a muffin and coffee I had 85 dollars. My wallet had been emptied during the course of the day at work. Whomever made this trip into my bag did leave all of my cards and only took that which was untraceable. I sighed, my joy to work with the people I have been working with was instantly gone. I had been so pleased with the group that was hired along side of me and now suspected them all.
Any and all good things that have happened to me in the past several days are gone. It wasn't much money, but it was all that I had. It wasn't much faith in humanity, but it was all that I had. I have two weeks until my next check, and a lifetime of mistrust.
Have a wonderful Sunday, I am off to search for a reason to have faith in humanity.
I heard once upon a time, the single greatest line in reference to the unintelligent. I attribute the quote to my Grandmother because it sounds cute and clever to say, "my grams used to say...", but I can't be sure that she said it, but in my mind she always will.
"I can't stand stupid people, I am all the stupid that I can handle."
I love it. The only problem is that stupid is now everywhere. High School dropout rates have not declined, there are less and less people pursuing higher degrees in the sciences than ever before in this country. Stupid move. I am in partial contradiction to myself in being upset about such things. I am a person who believes that going to school is not truly necessary as long as you have a sense of curiosity and a library card ( or the internet as the case may be ). The justification for my thinking on the subject is simple and obvious. I believe you can learn anything, anywhere, just as long as you are willing to learn.
I don't always write pretty, I have that shortcoming.
I have made some very poor decisions in my life.
I am not some great intellectual.
...but I never stop thinking, so I never stop learning...
...everyone in some way shape or form has put their hand on a hot stove...
The problem for me is the dumbing of an entire culture, or rather the dramatic moves we make to ensure that we never have a culture at all.
I make a lot of jokes about a lot of things, but this truly is something that upsets me. I have no perfect answer to solve the problem. Better schools and education opportunities could make an improvement, but it all boils down to peoples mentalities. Learning is something we do naturally, but when we distract ourselves with copious amounts of television and celebrity gossip we remove that chance of something of value seeping into our minds.
I also think it is important to entertain. So stop thinking about what I have said now... if you haven't already, and enjoy.
I have quite a bit on my mind today and yet can't seem to form any of it into words. I feel myself stumbling a bit even now thinking that if I just start typing that what I have to say will fall out.... all that I can think to do is to talk in riddles.
... and I don't know any good riddles... except for that one with a rooster laying an egg on top of a barn, you know what I'm talking about... "Which way would the egg roll?"
I'm a little bit desperate I suppose, trying to feel something but I don't. I know and am fully aware and yet somehow I don't seem to care.
This has happened before, I hope that it never happens again.
If the average human walking speed is 3 miles per hour and I walked for ninety minutes: how far am I from where I started?
The answer : Not far enough
There are quite a people I could call right now that might help me sort it all out, but I'm too busy ignoring phone calls... thank you inventor of caller I.D.
There goes the phone again. People just don't seem to get the hint do they...
I was chastised yesterday for having a secret, unbelievable... a secret is not a bad thing. It is a private thing.It can be a thought that keeps you warm at night, or it can be a monkey on your back ruining your life... but regardless of it's nature and the make up of it's being it is yours to do with what you wish... and this one is mine. I prefer to keep it that way thank you very much.
I am self involved today, even starving myself so that all I can think about is my belly.
... the poor mans equivalent to contemplating his navel in a way... but I'm working on the inside
Update#1 12:16pm
So I am still hiding out, still damn hungry but now with the onset of a headache I actually have someone that I could lash out at... this crazy fucking he/she sitting across from me reading yesterdays newspaper.
I have no problem with those who want to change their sex, from what I understand it is a difficult road to travel and requires a lot of determination so hats off to those who have pulled it off... but this one sitting across from me. This wide faced former man turned perfume laden woman has serial killer written all over "her". As I already mentioned I am not in the very pest of moods today, as life has crumbled and I left sitting here with my thoughts, but this individual would drive Mother Theresa bat-shit.
It stinks.
it is a poor transition from man to woman ( i.e. whiskers)
it is reading YESTERDAYS newspaper
it is reading it aloud
Feeling the urge to snap at this stranger and yell began to overwhelm me a few minutes ago so I stepped outside... what did I find? People talking on their blue tooth head sets! More people talking to themselves.
I came here for the relative silence and not to hear people read yesterdays news.
If I wanted aged thoughts on the world I would talk to my grandmother, who by the way is a woman and always has been.
it has poorly painted on eyebrows
it has a face that is 42% blush
it is now reading the real estate notifications out loud
it is going bald
I am one grumpy ass sun of a bitch today, at least my phone hasn't rang lately.
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