5 posts tagged “comedy”

Have a wonderful Sunday, I am off to search for a reason to have faith in humanity.

    I heard once upon a time, the single greatest line in reference to the unintelligent. I attribute the quote to my Grandmother because it sounds cute and clever to say, "my grams used to say...", but I can't be sure that she said it, but in my mind she always will.
    "I can't stand stupid people, I am all the stupid that I can handle."

    I love it. The only problem is that stupid is now everywhere. High School dropout rates have not declined, there are less and less people pursuing higher degrees in the sciences than ever before in this country. Stupid move. I am in partial contradiction to myself in being upset about such things. I am a person who believes that going to school is not truly necessary as long as you have a sense of curiosity and a library card ( or the internet as the case may be ). The justification for my thinking on the subject is simple and obvious. I believe you can learn anything, anywhere, just as long as you are willing to learn.
    I don't always write pretty, I have that shortcoming.
    I have made some very poor decisions in my life.
    I am not some great intellectual.
   
    ...but I never stop thinking, so I never stop learning...
    ...everyone in some way shape or form has put their hand on a hot stove...
   
    The problem for me is the dumbing of an entire culture, or rather the dramatic moves we make to ensure that we never have a culture at all.
    I make a lot of jokes about a lot of things, but this truly is something that upsets me. I have no perfect answer to solve the problem. Better schools and education opportunities could make an improvement, but it all boils down to peoples mentalities. Learning is something we do naturally, but when we distract ourselves with copious amounts of television and celebrity gossip we remove that chance of something of value seeping into our minds.
   
    I also think it is important to entertain. So stop thinking about what I have said now... if you haven't already, and enjoy.

Stupid Human Tricks

     I have been tirelessly searching the internet for things either thought inspiring or really damn funny. I have found neither. I have made a number of redundant discoveries about the internet however and I will list them in no particular order.
   
    1. Stumble Upon will eventually lead you to a cute cat picture.
          These seem to have no end to their supply. I personally do not find them cute, amusing sometimes I am not even sure it is a cat.

Uglycat018

    I did in fact find myself thinking a little bit about joining the evolution vs. creation argument, but I think it's just a silly fight to get into... the answer is pretty obvious don't you think...
    I have also considered giving my own speech on God and Religion, but while wandering the internet I took a few tests, and discovered I don't know a thing about anything.

CLICK HERE AND TAKE THE TEST

    In short I wasted a lot of time today, time I could have spent trying to remember the specifics of the dream that I had last night, the one that woke me up with the only thought that it was the greatest premise for a story ever... and it meant a solid break from my writers block.
    Nope, what I have to show for my searching for inspiration is THIS.

    Now if you were a little put off when you found out that you are not quite as untouchable as you thought you were in your thought on God, you could always take the "How many five year olds could you take in a fight test.", although that one didn't make me feel any better about myself. I don't think it would have made a difference whether it was a lot or a little. It just felt wrong to take that test. If I want to know how many five year olds I can fight I will go to the playground with a chip on my shoulder and some nasty things to say about Dora the Explorer.
    "Cocky Bilingual Bitch"

    ~sorry just practicing.

    If you are looking for discovery or enlightenment, do not go to the internet. Not only will you find cats, games and the strange, but eventually anything you put into a search engine ( any search engine ) will lead to porn.



          This has been your guide to wasting time, congratulations you just passed level one by reading this on the internet...

Have a great weekend.

Mban1166l

    So last night Jillian and I got out of the house, exciting I know... it doesn't happen very often. She got out of work, we had a little dinner and we were off to pick up Shelly and Dustin and go to McCurdy's Comedy Club to see Ralph Harris. Shelly I had met before and at the disdain of my girlfriend had an immediate aversion to her. There was just something about someone coming over to your house to hang out and play some cards and showing up with a Big Gulp cup full of some rum concoction on a Tuesday night. Neither Jillian or I had met her long-distance boyfriend Dustin before and I of course had my doubts about this outing... but it was an outing so I bit my tongue and kept my mouth shut fully intending to have a good time.
    The show was scheduled to start at 9:30 and we picked up Dustin and Shelly at her house around 8:30. They were of course both quite drunk, as it turns out they had began their drinking around 12:30 in the afternoon. Slurred and sloppy we sat them in the backseat and we made our way to the club.
    To keep it simplified my first of impression of Dustin was not a positive one. I thought to myself that maybe setting up certain expectations in my head I was seeing what I wanted to see. I gave him a full opportunity and engaged him in conversation, conversations that did not span further than what he had been drinking, what he was going to drink and how everyone he laid his eyes on was a "cocksucker" or a "fag", oh and my favorite the repeated declaration of how he was going to be fucking Shelly in the ass later on tonight.
    Standing in line surrounded by people these are not the conversation topics I prefer to engage in.
    Privately I at least try to keep a certain amount of topics under lock and key.

    Things did not improve once inside the club and the show had begun. These two, already trashed continued to drink, and drink and drink. I personally had 3 beers, and Jillian two Martini's. The total of our 5 drinks was 28 dollars, the remainder of the $97.93 bill was made up by our companions.
    Our table was right up front and next to the stage and of the three comedians to take the stage.. there wasn't one that didn't point out what a public embarrassment that these two clowns were. I wish there were video to really emphasize how over the top these two were. They were classic drunk. Heads bobbing uncontrollably, repeated screaming "WHOOOO!!!", standing up next to the stage (in front of the whole club) and interrupting the comedians. I do not feel shame readily and easily, but I was hiding my face. People were literally pointing and laughing and Shelly and Dustin were oblivious.
    I was enjoying the comedian and having a couple drinks with my girl, our arms wrapped around each other, but I would have had a much better time had the moron twins stayed home.
    Finally the show was over, and we picked up their heads from the table and pointed them toward the car.
    Dustin farting constantly... there was just no end to this man's indecency... as we walked to the car,asked if anyone cared if he "took a leak" next to the car. In unison Jillian and I answered a resounding, "Get in the car!"
    I couldn't get them home soon enough.
    I only had to suffer another twenty-five minutes of this Tom Sizemore looking jackass, I only had to suspect his latent homosexuality a little bit longer... and we would be home and in bed... not feeling too bad about ourselves. Declaring quite resoundingly to one another, "Never Again!"

    I truly fear for these two people, supposed adults who couldn't speak and have bore children. While I make fun of them and put myself above them with my condescending attitude, I can't help but thank whatever god that steered me away from the path that they are on and put me in the protective, comforting and simple life that I have with Jillian.
    We might not have an "exciting" life anymore and our partying days might be behind us and reserved for special
occasions, but first thing in the morning I can say that I wasn't laughed at by a room full of stranger and at that I can remember everything that happened.